Saturday, July 14, 2007

Marriages are no more made in heaven

People are more exposed these days and inter-racial/religious marriages are a norm ... but still old mindsets exist. There is always a raised eyebrow at the news of love marriage and if the couples are mismatched (according to their society) the conflict will continue to exist.

Marriage is a personal choice and it should only be the decision of two adult people who decide to venture in this trip of life, because every adult is a responsible individual and he is fully aware of the outcome of his decisions and is ready to face it.

What is important is to clearly define and accept that this is what you will be contributing to the marriage because you are bringing in your heritage, your cultures, your languages, your religious beliefs. Decide how the children of this marriage will be raised in what faith - faith is important to instill, when they are older they are free to choose but a path must be set.

The durability of a happy marriage depends on the attitude of the couple and the conflict is common to all types of marriage, inter-racial or one community. Compromise may be a dirty word. Acceptance and understanding are not. And they are both required in a marriage...

It is difficult for Indian parents to accept the decision of inter-racial marriage of their children. Indian parents care too much about their social status in their society and some parents feel humiliated for not being in charge of finding a spouse for their off-spring of equal status and culture. Moreover, because of their protective nature they are worried about their child being unable to cope with a cultural shock.

It is important to believe in appreciation of diversity and it is better to embrace the diversity, set the parameters and rules clearly before embarking on a marriage - because the external pressures that one faces will only be harder to overcome when they are still two very divergent spirits ... trying to strike a balance.

Stretching the incompatibilities beyond limits brings up the ugliness...and ultimately, breakdown of the relationship...even if the two continue to live under the same roof.

Marrying outside the community has its own advantages. There are no set community rules to follow and a new set of rules are laid down which are agreeable to both and worked out to their best of advantages. While one community may have strict rules within the community, the rules are lax and easier to adjust to, in inter-racial marriages.

Two adults in a relationship...there will always be some differences, some incompatibilities, in varying degrees. How these incompatibilities are handled by the two goes a long way in defining the strength of the relationship. Maturity - sensibility - mutual respect - valuing your own and the other's personal space - and deep caring, being the key words. It is a two-way lane.

Making the right choice or decision is very important. And I think there's nothing more important than honoring the decisions that one takes. If it was a mistake or a failure, it is better to accept it and learn rather than justifying. Failures and mistakes are like accidents...it should never become a habit.

Love, commitment, and dependence are essential for the success of any relationship. When there is no love, no mutual dependence, the relationship stands corroded even in marriage within same community..

What is most important is to make it work against all odds because it is the decision that you took in first place and was a responsible individual then.

Well! That is what you actually thought and stood firm in your decision then. Didn’t you?

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